carousel of life

 Of late, I have been seeing/reading a lot of heartfelt notes that mothers send to their sons and daughters. Or someone writing emotional posts, etc.  Wait, but if someone is writing a heartfelt note to their kids, why am I reading it? And even before that, HOW am I reading it?  Oh, because someone wrote that heartfelt note on their kid's birthday with life's gyaan on social media channels.   Of course, we love to talk about our kids and flaunt them to the world. Brag about them because we are so proud of them.  But I also feel that certain moments and things are so personal that social media can ruin. May be thats only me and I am old school. 

 Last week, during one of my calls, my boss was really appreciative of the fact that I am very hardworking and sincere. I try to do all the tasks assigned to me and generally be available.  And while this is a great compliment to be resilient and persistent, my stupid brain was itching that someone would say that I am very intelligent. A lot of people do find me smart and intelligent, but listening to my boss would have been kick ass.  My husband thinks that he is very smart and intelligent, and hence, he gets everything easily.  but I realize that intelligence or talent is never enough. Of course, they are needed to start something, but the real differentiator is how well you are able to handle and adapt to the change, and learn quickly.  I come from a very small place, and my parents are so proud to see where I am. I have friends who are happy to see me strong and independent, and stand up for myself. I think I am doing great. If only I could learn to love and...

 I think today is the perfect time for me to start writing again. I don't claim that I write well or that I am interested in becoming a writer. But I definitely want a medium to express what I want to say. So here I am. I won't say that I am going to be regular from now on because I don't know what my mind will say after a few weeks. When I want or don't want to do something, my mind finds a reason. So it's crucial that we find a belief, find a faith, and stand up for it in all circumstances.  No one is going to do that for us. No one is going to help us and will know what we are going through. Even when your heart and mind tell you something, take it with a pinch of salt and be wary of sharing your life and dreams with anyone. It's your life, and you have to guard it well.  So today onwards, I am going to live a little more for myself and be the b**** that I always wanted to be.

 Today when I got up, I went to Instagram. Why was I on Instagram early in the morning, there is no answer.  There is this post by a stupid motivational speaker. Someone put a ban on such bullshit stories they post in the name of family values and all those false emotions. The post talks about a father, mother, and the girl getting ready for work and school. Father has a presentation and leaves home early without breakfast. The daughter is upset that he went without kissing her and saying bye even though her mother is at home to say bye, feed her breakfast and drop her off at school. Apparently, the girl wants both.  As the girl and mom wait at the bus stand, suddenly they see Father coming back, stop his car and hug the girl kiss her goodbye, and then leave.  The girl is super happy to see the father and goes on her bus. Then there some stupid lines like "No one will remember if you were early or late at work or missed any meeting but your daughter will remember the...

 Have you asked that question to yourself? Being happy is such a subjective term. What does it mean? Am I feeling happy now? I dont know. Do I have my life's purpose alive and am I living a fulfilled life? Am I being sufficiently challenged and am I learning to overcome them.  Do I get up happy with a smile on my face or do I get up with oh, but I want to sleep more and I dont want to go to work?  We all have our own measures.  To me, I feel happy right now. I am able to do what I had always wanted. I feel sufficiently challenged and motivated. Of course, I have complaints with my nature, my long travel to work, my food habits, addictions and they will continue to be my source of anxiety but in general, I feel good and blessed every day. 

We hear that if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.  Well, how long before you feel that you can absolutely not stand the heat? For how long should you hold on to or rather pursue your hobbies, pet project, job, or relationship before you decide to quit and move to something else? I guess one will never know. So maybe go with your gut feeling cos whatever you choose, you cannot escape those pangs in the heart and that lonely feeling.